Online Dating Over 40
Women over 40 are the fasting growing group online. The Hopeful Woman's 10 Step Guide can help women of any age but if you're over 40, you'll get unique and valuable insights about divorce, children, time management, planning a successful social life, weight and fitness, being sexually active and staying safe, and advice about paying for the. Viewer Michelle Grenier who writes, “Hi Susan! Can you make a video on tips for online dating for women over 40 or the red flags to spot in men online?” How.
If you’re dating over 40, you come to the dating scene with a lot of experience from your past loves and relationships. Sometimes that experience can work in your favor—you know what you want and are better at identifying when things are and aren’t working. Other times, however, your experience can work against you. Here are 5 things many people dating over 40 may be doing wrong.
1. Talking too much about your ex/exes
Let’s face it, if you’re over 40 and single, chances are you’ve already been in several relationships, if not a marriage or two. One of the first questions that usually gets asked after you meet someone is, “So, why are you still single?”
So, of course, you start talking about your ex or exes and how they were horrible, or how they cheated on you, which conjures up any number of bad memories, and suddenly you realize that you’ve spent your first date looking back instead of forward. You chatted aimlessly about the people you’re no longer with instead of trying to get to know the person right in front of you.
It’s normal to be curious about someone’s past, and I’m sure you’ll come across a date who will want to know more about your history. My advice is to spend minimal time talking about past lovers on your first date and spend more time finding out about the person you’re with. Telling someone how badly you were treated in the past might make them think there’s something more to the story you’re telling. For example, if you tell your date that you constantly got into fights with your ex, they might feel that the same thing could happen between the two of you. Or if you were cheated on, it may enter your date’s mind that there’s a reason for the cheating, and suddenly they’ll wonder about your compatibility, your state of mind, and any number of things.
Your past is past. Focus on the present situation and your current date.
2. Making the wrong fashion statement
Ladies: Did we forget what the word “lady” means?! I recently went out with a few friends for a drink. While in the bathroom, I overheard this woman who had to be in her late 40s talking to her friends about how she looks better than most 20-year-olds. I admit she looked good, meaning she was physically fit and had a pretty face, but she was wearing a mini-mini skirt with a cut-off shirt, and her breasts were virtually hanging out. Listen, I get it. You want to look sexy and feel young, but don’t give away the farm! How about just a nice, short skirt and a little cleavage? Let’s leave something to the imagination. Trust me, the guy will be able to see if you have a nice figure or not. Also, when it comes to perfume, why is it the older some women get, the more they put on? Try just spritzing on a nice, clean, mellow scent so the guy doesn’t choke to death. You don’t need to smell like you just bathed in it.
Men: It shouldn’t be that difficult for you to get dressed, but I see bad examples every day. You throw on a shirt with a pair of pants and shoes and you think you’re ready to head out the door. But take a good look at the button-down shirt you’re wearing—is it clean and properly pressed? Why go out in a wrinkled shirt and express your lack of know-how with an iron and board? Also, leave the ripped jeans at home until a second or third date. And I know sneakers are a big deal to a lot of you, but again, wait for a couple of dates before you sport your designer Nikes. Gentlemen, wearing a baseball cap on your first date is a fashion and personal faux pas, unless, of course, you are at a baseball game. If you’re doing this to hide your thinning hair or baldness, why not let your date see the real you from the start? Don’t be embarrassed, be proud of who you are! As with women and their perfume, don’t use the whole bottle of cologne on a first date—in fact, don’t do it ever.
3. Drinking to excess
I know the first date can be a little nerve-wracking, no matter what age. Believe it or not, I hear more stories about people in their 40s drinking a little too much on the first date than any other age bracket. I think it may be due to tension and nervousness, and the fact that maybe you’re just sick and tired of dating. First off, we all have to keep DUIs and safety in mind. Second, you’re old enough to know what happens when you drink a little too much. You may say something, or worse, do something you’ll regret in the morning. All I am saying is, pace yourself and be smart. Save the shots for another time.
4. Too eager or too indifferent
I think one of two things happen to us mentally when we date in our 40s. We either start to feel desperate, or we start developing an, “I’m fine on my own!” attitude. The desperate people who are dating over 40 and want to be married may come on a little too strong, or be so overly willing to please that they scare off their potential mates. Then we have those who think, “If it happens, it happens,” and won’t put honest effort into the date. Their dates are made to feel like these people don’t honestly care for them, and the lack of emotions indicate, if incorrectly, that settling down isn’t in their future. Egos really play a part here, and if there’s too much of it, the date can turn south quickly.
So just try to be the person in the middle. Don’t play the excited puppy dog, but don’t be the disinterested lazy cat lounging on the couch either.
5. Jumping in the sack too soon
I hear from many older women and men, “I’m an adult and I know what I’m doing!” Of course you do. I understand that you’re tired of being alone, and that you can use a good night of ardent, passionate, loving sex. I’m not questioning the fact that you’re an adult—I’m questioning whether you absolutely need to jump in the sack right away.
Sex more often than not means seeing one another naked. That is a huge step for two people who have just met. Real intimacy requires comfort and trust in one another, and it’s really hard to get those things after a two-hour dinner, or drinks at a bar. Try to get to know each other a little better. I think if you have sex too soon, it can interfere with getting to know the real person. Lust has a way of making us forget everything else, and that includes personal feelings.
Try to keep the date PG-rated, okay? Yes, we are all adults, but that also means we should have a level of maturity that allows us to hold out for a while and not succumb to carnal desires just yet.
As we get older, we tend to overthink the dating process since we have a larger frame of reference than a 25-year-old. If we remember to relax and be ourselves while keeping in mind the advice above, I’m sure good things will follow.
To read more of Tonia’s work and learn about her upcoming memoir, visit toniadecosimo.com or follower her on Twitter at @ToniaDeCosimo.
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As a man, if you’re looking to experience dating success after the age of 40, then today is the day that you will begin to make it happen.
The secret to success is to understand that women are lot easier to attract and have sex with than most guys realize.
According to a USA study, 55% of couples admitted to having sex on their first date and a European study found that 70% of women have had a one night stand.
In other words, you’re going to get laid. It’s going to happen.
If you want to get some action, you’ve got to first focus on improving your ability to attract women when you interact with them. If you have that skill, attracting and picking up women will be a relatively simple process for you.
Watch this video to understand how it works…
As you will discover from the video above, most women place more importance on how a guy’s personality and confidence makes them feel, rather than what he looks like.
Yes, some women are very picky and only want a guy who looks like a male model, has a perfect body and loads of money, but the majority of women are much more flexible about what they find attractive in a guy than most men realize.
Life Begins at 40?
If you’ve reached your 40s, you will probably the saying, “Life begins at 40” and “You’re only as old as you feel.”
Yet, if you’ve reached your 40s and are single and looking for love, there can be no denying that being on the “wrong” side of 40 can make you feel old, right?
Dating is usually looked as something that only “young” people do and this belief is often by so many of the online dating sites that are geared towards younger people who just beginning to find their feet in the dating world at large.
So, where does that leave you if you’re looking for advice on dating after 40? It leaves you right here, reading an article from a true dating expert that will help you, irrespective of your age.
Personally speaking, I’m 37 and I recently married my sexy, 22 year old girlfriend. I attracted her with my confidence, charisma and charm and then deepened her feelings of love, respect and attraction for me as the relationship continued.
Online Dating Over 50
Despite that she is young, sexy and has a perfect body, I picked her up even though I spend no time in the gym at all. I do a bit of running and bike riding to keep healthy, but I don’t have time to work out in the gym…and I haven’t needed to that to attract women.
Dusting Yourself Off and Getting Back Into the Dating Scene
A lot of the guys who contact me looking for advice on dating after 40, have found themselves single again after 10 or 15 years of marriage, or many years in a long-term relationship.
A man may have been away from the dating scene for practically half of his life and will often terrified or depressed about having to get back out there and find a woman. Often, it simply comes down to the man losing a lot of confidence over the years and not knowing how to get his “mojo” back with the ladies.
Other times, it’s a question of not knowing where to start because the guy met his wife in high school and never really dated any other girls before getting married. In effect, men like this have based a lot of their identity around the long-term relationship and have forgotten who they actually are as an individual.
The good news for you is that, while the world has changed at lightening pace over the last few decades, the qualities that a woman looks for in a man have remained unchanged.
You don’t need to do anything other than improve your attract women to your personality and confidence then simply get back out there to mingle with some beautiful women. Whatever you do, just make sure that you absolutely understand and remember that…
It’s Not All About Looks
It’s no surprise that men in their 40s often get caught up the advertising world “hype” that says a guy has to look a certain way, smell a certain way, wear a certain brand of clothing, and drive a certain car to be attractive to women.
It you look at the “Just For Men” hair dye ads, they will tell you that women HATE any signs of grey hair or ageing on a man, when in fact many women LOVE it.
For most of human history and still to this day, women are instinctively attracted to older men because they usually represent a better chance of survival, prosperity and protection.
However, since most guys are clueless when it comes to women, they are susceptible to getting tricked into thinking that putting a color in their hair or wearing a face cream with get them the girl.
If you want to be successful at dating after 40, you must realize that you already have the best asset of all: You are a man.
If you don’t think that you’re good enough for women, you are probably going through life making up all sorts of excuses as to why you’re not successful with women.
Yet, as you will discover from the video below, there is usually only one, simple reason why men fail with women…
As you will discover from the video above, most guys who fail with women make up all sorts of excuses about why women don’t find them attractive. Yet, a man’s attractiveness to women is mostly based on the personality traits and behaviors that he displays to her during an interaction, rather than on his looks.
Yes, some women only want a young looking guy with muscles, money and a full head of hair, but most women aren’t that shallow and you will realize that if you watch the entire video above.
What Do Women Find Attractive About You?
There are many different personality traits and behaviors that you can display to women to trigger their feelings of attraction for you.
Three examples are:
- Confidence: You are confident when interacting with her and other people. You don’t come across as nervous or self-doubting.
- Masculinity: You think, behave and take action like a man. You’re not afraid of the world around you. You handle challenging situations with the power and self-belief, rather than crumbling under pressure.
- Social intelligence: You get along well with her and others. You’re a cool guy, even now that you’re in your 40s. You understand people and don’t make the classic social mistakes that other guys make.
None of the above traits can be achieved with hair dye, special creams or the latest car, but they are qualities that can be developed when you choose to invest in improving yourself as a man.
Most women (not all) are not eternally impressed by guy’s outer appearance or his material possessions. Sure, that might attract some women initially, but most women are more impressed and attracted to who a guy is as a man, which is an attraction principle that holds true whether a guy is in his 20s or 40s.
Don’t Worry About the Baggage That You Are Carrying
I often get contacted by men in their 40s who want to know if they should tell a woman right away about how much “baggage” they are carrying from previous relationships.
Baggage can be anything from on-going divorce proceedings, having children who live with them or commitments related to an ex-wife or family.
Honesty is always the best policy, if not for the fact that when it comes to dating after 40, most women are looking for the real deal. However, a mistake that some men make is “off-loading” their entire life story onto a woman they’re supposed to be getting to know on a date.
A woman who is attracted to you and interested in dating you won’t always see everything that comes with you as being unattractive baggage.
Instead, she will see it as part of who you are and will respect you for it, as long as you come across in a way that shows you are balanced, have everything under control and you’re able to live a fun, interesting lifestyle as a result.
On the other hand, if you talk non-stop about your past and come across in a way that suggests you feel depressed, unattractive or miserable about your other commitments in life, then she is going to feel turned off by your inability to deal with life.
Women feel respect and attraction for men who have their life under control, even if there are many moving parts that he wishes he could cut off or leave behind.
Your past has certainly helped to make you the man you are, but it’s the man that you are when you interact with her and the man that you’re aiming to be tomorrow that makes you attractive to a woman. Don’t make the mistake of dwelling on what has already happened in your life so far; dating after 40 is no different to dating after 20.
While a woman will be interested to find out about your past, it’s what is happening between you and her right now and what may happen in the future that is most interest to her.
What Do You Need to Improve About Yourself to Be Successful With Women?
It doesn’t matter what age you are; it is never too late to learn how to be the kind of man that women are looking for and it is never too late to improve on who you already are.
You can always become an even better version of the great man that you are today, but don’t make the mistake of thinking that you will find the solution in a bottle of hair dye or the latest car.
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